This song represents the monotony of life, how we wear a mask, especially those among us with neurodiversity, a mask to survive and meet expectations, proving we can function in a socially acceptable way, usually at the cost of authentic. One way of processing this is that we are reimbursed for our efforts but still costs the luxury of our energy, attention and focus. These factors by definition of a disability can be hard to capitalise to investing them can be a double edged sword.
I discuss how, despite living life fuelled by emotions and trauma, that I always try to avoid violence, including arguments. This can lead to keeping people at an arms length to prevent becoming hurt or avoid situations which I may not be energised by.
‘The beast’ represents the true version of myself. Now and the future. Seeing glimpses but not seeing the whole picture. I am cautious about the company I keep and I regularly review this, test this, sometimes to buffer my mental health, and sometimes to test trust and loyalty.
Here’s a glimpse into me, I hope there’s some lyrics you can harmonise with. Enjoy the track.
Similar to the poetry I decided to pursue rapping. Here’s my first rap under ‘Big Rubz’ named in recognition of one of my inspirations, Big Tobz. I’ve shared the song onto my YouTube channel. This song is an example of capitalising on creativity to bravely and boldly share a bit about me; T-total, experience of being bullied and physically assaulted, picking battles, managing emotions, and ambition for self-development.
Again, in the Career Development Tips section of Stay You Stay Fruity because if your needs aren’t met at your current workplace, maybe it’s worth finding a job where you come first.
Louise Aston, wellbeing director at Business in the Community (BITC): 77% of employees have experienced symptoms of mental ill health at some point in their lives – addressing suicide is “something every responsible employer should think about”, Aston urges. “This is not about being a bad employer, it’s about risk assessment,” she says. “I really hope this will save some lives.”
The BITC move from previous evidence that only 1/6 have a mental illness in the workforce (Mental Health Foundation) and suggest the reality is closer to 77%! A huge 60% discrepancy that was previously unrecognised! I am pleased to see this information publicised and I implore more people to consider the importance of prioritising and investing in mental health at work.
I’ve just watched ‘Words on the bathroom wall’, a film about a young man living with schizophrenia, and it consolidated a penny drop moment, an alignment, a clarity I recently felt and rarely experience.
For years I’ve struggled to find somewhere I can be the true version of myself.
I pride myself on being self-aware, so this following realisation is extremely raw emotionally. Emotional, because that is how I process events.
I’ve realised I live in a world which isn’t designed for me. I already hear in your mind that this seems egocentric, however there is more to it, and I intend to explain.
Every day I make a choice to step up to the challenge of engaging with a world which writes with different pens, in different fonts, paints with different colours on different canvases, interacts using indirect messages with direct implication, hiding behind tone of voice, a world which perceives differently to me. I hope this weight of treading on eggshells, and constant consequence consideration can be metaphorically billed back to the people causing me to overthink rather than letting them cloud my thoughts and live in my head ‘rent-free’. It’s ironic I coined my writing name Real Rubens as the reality is it reflects the process of turning my unfiltered, uncontrolled, untamed thoughts into a real, understandable, relatable and digestible format of written words. The world and I challenge each other.
The world prompts me to take medication so I fit in or get counselling so others can understand me better. How can I consciously, consensually, contently mask the genuine, true, authentic version of myself (just because my brain hasn’t evolved like other people’s)? Because my thoughts are wired differently? I can’t accept that. I don’t accept that. Who we are matters. Who we are is special. I am happy not fitting in if it means I can be myself more. I will just go fit in somewhere else. Unfiltered self-expression is the best. My ‘way’ serves a purpose, is value adding, can be a company’s capitalisation of a unique selling point.
A toast to those who these words resonate with. A toast to those trying to understand these words. And a thank you for reading this reflection.
Be well. Stay you, stay fruity. Don’t change for anyone. Be you. Be proud. Be fruity. Give yourself permission to let yourself loose.
Show your colours, be brave, imagine if it was the latest craze, clarity the new drug, the new daze, forgetting about navigating the etiquette maze, expelling prejudice in the world like on the floor, look there it lays, neurodiversity is special, and we achieve wonders our ways.
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