Imposter syndrome

I recently discussed confidence. But confidence links to feeling like an imposter.

I recently started a job helping people. I have a position of influence in people’s lives, and that can be daunting. Scary because I don’t want to misguide someone, upset anyone or disappoint anyone. The reality is I remind myself I try my best, mean well and set ambitious goals to hopefully help people along their way in this challenging world we find ourselves in.

As someone with a disability, a hidden disability, it feels hard to identify as someone with a disability. Trust me I know you may say after a short conversation, he seems different, and that is where the visual part comes into play. Point being two fold, firstly, a hidden disability is just as valid, and secondly, how it can be helpful to be patience when awaiting a diagnosis since you are still special regardless. You are still amazing. You are still value adding. Never forget that. Never let anyone change your mind. Those people may not deserve to be in your life.

Identity can be an unhelpful psychological phenomenon. At times I feel unsure about if I am part of a group or if I am not pulling the weight I intend to. As someone who is neurodiverse, and as a competitive swimmer, performance is important to me. Very important. I strive to excel, to capitalise on strengths. I say this rather than address weaknesses since strength focus is a more rewarding, more fulfilling, more positive process. Knowingly tackling a slow growth area, a weakness, can feel punishing, negative and difficult. I feel strengths are more worthy of our time than our weaknesses which should only be tackled when feeling empowered enough to do so or supported enough to open the metaphorical can of worms. So identifying as someone with strengths, with a group I belong to by chance, by serendipity, I feel consoled, I feel reassured.

In a previous piece I said confidence can be faked. But confidence can be knocked when reflecting, when comparing (unhelpfully) to the extent we feel like an imposter. Be grateful for who you are, where you have been and if you need to ask for support do it, be brave. You have nothing to loose. Pride is a construct. An unhelpful one, try say goodbye to pride and you will be rewarded with self awareness. Trust me you will find a new level of fulfilment when you join this hidden community.

Chin up. Big up. Stay You, Stay Fruity.

Real Rubens